


You´re nobody till somebody wants you dead

by pineapplebarisi



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Action/Adventure, Blood and Injury, Caretaking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Mission Fic, Near Death Experiences, Sick Character, The Borg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23267689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pineapplebarisi/pseuds/pineapplebarisi
Summary: Hugh decided to stay with Geordi. The Borg are far from enthusiastic about that and are causing serious problems for the Enterprise crew. But some of the crew members are struggling with their own problems. While Commander Riker falls victim to a mysterious illness, a new ensign has to deal with her toxic attitude towards herself and learns from the one who, until recently, was the least able to do anything with himself. Will there still be time to stay alive?
Relationships: William Riker/Deanna Troi
Comments: 11
Kudos: 14





	1. The One With Merciless Killers

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I´m really looking forward on sharing this story with you, but english isn´t my motherlanguage so be patient with me.
> 
> If you liked the first chapter, you can leave kudos and comments so I know if its worth uploading more.

The One With Merciless Killers

I had already heard that we had a Borg on board, but I really couldn`t believe it. It was all the more shocking for me when he first appeared on the bridge. Commander Riker had informed me that LaForge had given him a name, unfortunately I couldn`t remember it. I was sitting in front of the console near the screen, the course was unchanged and as far as the captain was correct, we didn`t cross any enemy terrain. It was probably an easy task, perfectly tailor-made for a young ensign like me. Since I came from Starfleet Academy to the Enterprise just half a year ago, there couldn´t be expected much more from me. I still tried to impress the crew every day. It was always important to me what others thought of me and that often put enormous pressure on my psyche.

“Do they like me at all? Did I do anything wrong? They probably think I`m idiotic. ”

These thoughts buzzed through my head 90% of the day and prevented me from feeling comfortable with myself. I often disguised to please others.  
That made me angry because I would like to know what it felt like to be yourself, but the thought that someone might think bad of me was even more unbearable. I felt Commander Riker scurrying around me to make sure I had everything under control. If that had been a complicated task, I would probably have flown into an asteroid at full force with nervousness. The Commander was my role model, I have admired him for half an eternity ... since I heard stories about him in the first year of the academy.

About him and the Pegasus, about him and the Potemkin and about him and the Hood. I had heard everything and an image of a brave, generous and combative man was fixed on my mind. He was one of the reasons I asked to be transferred to the Enterprise. I was not allowed to stay on the first ship. The USS Montgomery had decided this unanimously. I got in my way there.  
My inner demon had controlled me during this period and made sure that I could not function. I didn`t trust my own abilities and it all went into chaos. Even today the words of my former captain buzzed around in my memories:

„Tell me, Ensign Cimmel, how should I, as your captain, have confidence in you in difficult situations if you don't even have it in your everyday life?“

„Tell me Ensign Cimmel,“ I winced when I heard Commander Riker´s voice behind me,  
„are you okay? You seem to me to be quite unfocused. ”

Was something wrong? I checked the data on the console, the course was still right, also the speed. The energy level was still unchanged, as was the subspace radiation.

“Excuse me, sir. But can you tell me what kind of mistake I made? ”I asked, trying to be polite and respectful. I turned to the first officer in awe, he had put his hand on the back of my chair and was smiling amused.

“Oh young lady, you made no mistake, don`t worry. I just noticed that you seem a little insecure today, do you feel depressed? ”

I looked at the console again, irritated, and then turned back to the Commander, my eyes on the ground. How the hell had he done that? If Riker was able to read minds now, he would be even more terrifying than he already was.

“No sir. I`m alright. Just a little tired. ”, I finally answered and could see how one of his eyebrows shot up.  
„If you are exhausted, Ensign, you may want to take a vacation as soon as we complete this mission.“

I have no idea how I figured it out, but I recognized disappointment in his voice. But I was distracted from it all too quickly when I felt a pair of eyes on me. Less scrutinizing than the Commander`s gaze, but more curious.

Behind Riker`s red uniform, I recognized La Forge on his control panel on the other side of the bridge. The Borg stood next to him, apparently to look over his shoulder at work. Instead, his interest showed in the conversation between me and the first officer.

I couldn`t take pleasure in the Borg. The lessons at the academy had taught me otherwise. Every time the lecturer spoke of them, an icy shiver ran down my spine. Merciless Killers.

I didn`t know the background story to the Borg`s presence on the Enterprise and I didn`t like the way he looked at me. I almost expected him to jump up every second and say:

“You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.“

But here, in front of the whole crew, I couldn`t show fear, that would be fatal to my reputation on the ship. Riker noticed my eye contact with the guest and sat back in his chair.

“Geordi, make sure your friend does his job and doesn`t interfere in other people`s affairs. Otherwise, I`ll have to talk to the captain about his presence on the bridge. Ensign Cimmel, pull yourself together, this is not your first day at the academy. There`s no room for insecurity up here, so if you face an merciless enemy, they won`t hesitate to destroy you if you don`t get a grip on it. ”

I felt a burning sting in my stomach, biting and bulging. It was the same pain every time my weaknesses and mistakes became visible to others. This had to be prevented. I slapped myself on the inside. I wasn`t allowed to be kicked out of the crew again. Of course, that was no reason for Riker and Picard to throw me out. But they would keep an eye on me, the commander was right.

Someone with my attitude didn`t belong in such a place. My eyes went back to the Borg, he had already turned away from me. The course material from the academy told me that they were usually tied to a collective and couldn`t function without their colleagues. For a brief moment I wondered ... could it be that ... No. Or is it? Was it possible that the Borg felt the same way I did?

Not being able to be yourself, depending on others and being dedicated to them. Did he experience that too? No, he probably didn`t even notice it. It was a matter of course for him. He didn`t know the feeling of his own consciousness. He annihilated several species and took their home away from them, he was the last to have something like a consciousness or a conscience. He was pure scum.

My attention went back to my work. At our current speed, we shouldn`t be able to reach the Altegra system in under 27 hours. The LCARS had told me that. But who knows, these calculations could occasionally deviate from reality. Perhaps if everything went well, we could have entered the system earlier.  
„Geordi, what did I just tell you?“

The first officer`s voice pulled me out of my thoughts and only when I turned in his direction I flinched like the leaves of a mimosa. The Borg was standing right behind me, staring at the console, then at the screen and back at the console. I hadn`t heard him come.

„At Warp 4 we could still catch the Utilisi magnetic flow, then we would be at the destination twice as fast“, the Borg replied and then looked into my eyes. I froze, unsure of what to do. But before I could say anything, the door to Captain Picard`s room opened. The captain entered the bridge, a look of concern on his face. The Borg moved away from me, La Forge had grabbed him and pulled him out of reach.

„I`m sorry, Ensign, I hope he didn`t bother you.“  
I briefly considered the Borg`s words.

„Sir! Is it true what he says? If we could really reach the Altegra system in half the time… ”

Captain Picard settled himself in his chair and adjusted his uniform, at the console next to me Commander Data seemed worried.

“Captain, the data you just transferred to the LCARS…” Picard nodded before the Android could finish his sentence, then he turned to me:

“Ensign Cimmel, unfortunately we are having problems other than our time management. Data, I have just sent you the structural data of a Borg ship moving towards us. ”

A Borg ship. Crap. From now on there were so many mistakes I could make. But what did the Borg want here? I hadn`t even really thought this thought to the end, because I already had the answer.

„They want to get their brother.“, I said without noticing. Suddenly I felt ill. Perhaps he had intentionally brought them here to destroy us. It had been clear to me from the beginning that the Borg couldn´t be a good thing on the Enterprise. But maybe it was possible to negotiate a deal. They got their brother back and had to let us leave alive. Nonsense. The Borg didn`t negotiate deals. You couldn`t talk to them.

„But Captain. The sensors do not detect a Borg ship, how is that possible? ” Data finally said and checked the console again to play safe. I heard Picard sigh and wondered what he was thinking. The whole crew knew about his experiences with the Borg and no one had dared to speak to him about it, just for fear of a strong emotional reaction. I would have loved to know what was going on in his head right now.

“I don`t know, Commander Data. I received the information from an outside base of the Federation. ” Then Riker started to speak:

„How can it be that our sensors can`t detect the ship?“

For a moment he sounded like my father when he was going to be loud. You could feel that he was upset and something was bubbling inside him. The fear of the Borg didn´t only come from Picard.  
The only one who shouldn`t be afraid of them was the Borg on board with us. And then I remembered his words.

„The magnetic flow ...“ I whispered.

„What was that?“

“The magnetic flow, Commander Riker. Could it be that the Borg ship is moving inside of it and our sensors can´t reach through the strong magnetic field? ”I extended on command and then met the Borg`s gaze.

He shouldn`t get it wrong. I just processed his information and in no way praised him with it. But his organic eye didn`t say that, instead it seemed that he was astonished at my trust in his information. I believed him as far as the magnetic flow was concerned, but I was still not sure of his intentions. He might also have mentioned the current to lure us in, straight into the enemy`s arms.

„Data, what about you?“ The captain asked suspiciously.

The Android turned to Picard.

“Indeed, it would be possible, sir. However, I doubt that the ship can move somehow. If it really flies towards us, it would have to fly against the current, but with such a high energy level as the magnetic field, it should be a problem even for the Borg. ”

„So are they waiting for us?“ Riker intervened again.

„It can`t be ruled out“ Picard replied. Despite the heated atmosphere on the bridge, I could hear Worf sighing clearly. A sound he often made when he didn`t like something.

„I`m sorry I have to interfere, Captain“

„Not at all Lieutenant, this is what you are here for.“

Worf nodded briefly to confirm that, then continued:  
“- but couldn`t it be a trap? I don`t want to attack anyone here, but I wouldn`t say that with a Borg on board we have a complete defense. ”

Ouch, nobody would like to hear that. I made sure of the Borg`s reaction, but I found he didn`t seem offended.  
Instead, he watched the captain with interest and waited for his response as if waiting for confirmation.

“You may not be entirely wrong, Lieutenant Worf. But you should change your perspective: Perhaps because of Hugh, our defense and our attack is devastating for the Borg. He knows them better than everyone else.“

I listened curiously. Hugh? That had to be his name, if I remember correctly, Riker had already mentioned that name.  
“But we won`t be within range of the ship before tomorrow evening. So we still have some time to figure out what to do. Don`t panic, ”Picard added, a confident smile on his lips.

„In that sense, Captain, I would allow myself to return to my quarters for today.“ Riker said, getting up.  
What? It was only 5 p.m. Picard seemed to have the same thought.

“Are you okay number one? You look pale. ” Riker smiled it away and went to the elevator.

„I am fine. I`m just very exhausted. Tomorrow morning I will be the first on the bridge and will be fit again. Excuse me, please.“  
With these words, the first officer disappeared. Picard touched his communicator on the chest.

“Picard to Dr Crusher. Please drop by Commander Riker`s quarters in a few hours and make sure he`s okay. Our number one seems a bit out of shape. ”  
I smiled to myself. That`s what our captain was known for.

„Got it.“ Dr. Crusher replied.

„Captain.“

I felt a shiver come over me when I heard Hugh`s tinny voice. I could never get used to it.

„Is the commander sick?“

“No, Hugh. Little sleep and a lot of work can permanently drain the human body. It just takes a little time to… regenerate. ”  
I listened inconspicuously.

“Alone in his quarters? Won`t he be lonely? ”

What was that? It almost sounded like the Borg was showing empathy. I shook my head to get rid of this absurd thought.

“La Forge, I want to have a talk, follow me. Data, you have the bridge, ” Picard said, getting up. The engineer followed his captain into his room somewhat hesitantly.

  
When the door closed behind them, Hugh`s strong presence was undeniable. For the fourth time his eyes landed on me, he looked at me and when he noticed that I was watching him, he did something that completely upset me:

the corners of his mouth rose a little, almost as if he was smiling.


	2. The One With The Sink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ensign Cimmel is still convinced that Hugh hasn´t got any good intentions, but she has to put that aside when one of her colleagues suddenly needs help. The Borg may have set a trap for the crew of the Enterprise and Picard has to find a way to get his people out alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is here! I´m still VERY insecure about the language so I would love to get some help.  
> Anyways, have fun reading! :)

The One With The Sink

The shadows behind my back started to dance when I looked at my reflection. Sometimes I wished I could go to another world when I touched the glass of the mirror. If it just could be that easy. The circles under my eyes were probably deeper than the earthly Mariana Trench and my blond, greasy hair stuck to my forehead like glue. A shower was urgently needed. And a hairdresser as well. My hair has grown a bit longer, I haven`t had it cut in over half a year, so the tips were pretty broken. Maybe I should try a bald head. Less hair, less problems. When the mirror fogged and thick steam poked my eyes, I knew the water was hot and dropped my dressing gown on the floor. As soon as the drops touched my skin, I became sleepy.

The temperature was just too much like that under my duvet. I closed my eyes for a moment and inhaled the stuffy water vapor. Today was going to be a tough day for me. In a few hours we would face the Borg ship and every mistake meant death. It wasn`t a test in the academy, it was serious. My first experience with the Borg ... And how should I behave towards Hugh?

Maybe I should speak to the captain, he knew for sure what was right. And yet, in the end Hugh could have deceived the captain himself. I didn`t trust him, even if he didn`t seem particularly hostile at first glance.

I often lost track of time in the shower because I thought about so many things that I often didn`t even notice how many minutes had actually passed.

„Computer: What time is it?“ No response. What the hell was going on?

„Computer!“ then finally the signal for speech recognition.

„What time is it?“

„It is 8:31 a.m. and 12 seconds.“

Why did it take so long today? Annoyed I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body, then opened the door to my bedroom.

* * *

There wasn`t much going on on the bridge yet, La Forge was there, Data and the captain. No sign of Commander Riker, Lieutenant Worf and the Borg Hugh yet.

„Good morning, everyone,“ I said clearly to everyone and walked to Data to sit at the console next to him.

„Good morning, Ensign Cimmel. I hope you have slept well. We have a lot to do today. ” the Android replied without looking up.

When I rummaged through the LCARS system, I noticed again the long response time of the computer. The data could normally be called up within milliseconds, today it even took several seconds.

„Commander ...“ I started and glanced over at Data, who was now forced to look up, „... something is wrong with the board computer.“

„Indeed, Ensign. We did a full system scan an hour ago to get to the bottom of the problem.“

“It is probably due to the strong interference in the magnetic field. The closer we get to the current, the more overloaded the computer is, ” LaForge added, then handed over to the captain.

“That means we have to work faster. The slower the computers, the quicker we should act if we still want a chance. ”

I shifted in my chair, an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach area.

That was a sign that fate was working against us and literally asked us to turn back.

„Sir, if I`m allowed to ask, what are you going to do when we finally meet the Borg?“

There was an unusual silence on the bridge that I hadn`t intended to cause. For a brief moment it looked as if Picard had to think for himself. But he had the answer ready long ago.

“Make sure that they won`t follow us anymore.“

What was I supposed to make of that? I turned to Picard and saw his expression. He was serious.

„They will always follow us, sir, as long as we have their friend here.“

„He is no longer their friend!“ LaForge suddenly interjected.

„He separated from the collective and decided to stay with us.“

He had to be kidding. Could that really be true? This sucked out loud.

„And the collective is resentful. They will chase us. They`ll hunt Hugh. ” Picard added.

„How do you intend to proceed then?“

„We have to convince them that there is nothing left to hunt.“ Picard said confidently and then tapped his communicator.

„Picard to Dr Crusher. Is there any news about our first officer? He didn`t show up today, but he wanted to be the first on the bridge. ”

“ So you mean… ” I revisited the topic from the beginning.

„We`ll have to show them that their third out of five was killed in the crash,“ Picard said.

The crash. I didn`t even think about that anymore. It was the reason for the Borg`s temporary presence on the Enterprise, to accomplish experiments on him.

I´ve been on the bridge when they beamed him up. I listened to Dr Crushers and Captain Picard`s argument and Worf`s suggestion to kill the Borg on the spot. An idea that I would have supported. Since Hugh was on board, there was only trouble. And it was still uncertain to me why he was allowed to stay.

Picard`s communicator was interrupting again.

„Crusher to Picard. Will was fine last night, but I prescribed a sleeping pill for him. I can imagine that he`s still sleeping.“

The captain nodded to himself.

“ Roger. Thank you Dr Crusher. ”

Then he looked at me, the gears rattled in his head, you could tell by the frown on his face.

„Ensign Cimmel, do me a favor and check on the commander. He may need a little help getting up if Dr Crusher has given him the sleeping pills I think.“

Great.

* *

I stood in front of Commander Riker`s quarters and listened for a few seconds to make sure he wasn`t already awake. Then I rang the electronic bell next to the door frame and waited. It was cold in the hallway, the computer malfunctions were probably also causing a temperature control error. As long as the life support systems did not crash, everything was still in order.

After 30 seconds still nothing happened, I pressed the bell again, but again this time Riker did not react. I was getting restless, afraid that something had happened to the Commander. I briefly considered how to get into the quarters. In an emergency, however, the deactivation of the lock could only be approved by medical personnel. Should I call Dr. Crusher? No, that was far too hasty.

But maybe Riker was really in serious shape.

To come to a compromise, I chose the conventional way to get his attention and knocked loudly on the massive metal door several times.

„Commander Riker! Commander! Are you awake? Are you all right? ” I brawled across the hall, hoping to be heard this time. And I was. But not by the Commander.

„You called?“ the tinny voice again that would wake me from any dream.

Slowly I looked over my shoulder and immediately recognized Hugh standing behind me and staring at me with his organic eye. He sounded almost worried.

„Yes, but not for you,“ I replied shortly, concentrating on my task again by hitting the door with the palm of my hand. I felt Hugh watch me curiously.

„You want through this door?“

I didn`t react because at the moment he was just standing in my way, even though every second counted.

„May I help you?“

_I ?!_

Only then I started listening to him and turned to him again.

„Did you just offer me your help?“

The Borg seemed to be thinking, as if he didn`t know what I meant.

„Have you ?!“ I repeated. Then, very timidly, Hugh nodded slightly, barely noticeable.

And suddenly I no longer had this discomfort in my stomach area.

„You are a Borg. Borg are not helpful and courteous. They are ruthless, cold-blooded and aggressive. And they certainly don't say I, “I explained irritated.

„I am not Borg. I am Hugh."

_I. I. I. I. I!_

That drove me crazy. Since when did a Borg have had something like self-confidence?

„Picard to Cimmel, did you check on the Commander? He doesn`t respond to any communicator request. ” I was startled and realized why I was actually here.

„Cimmel to Captain Picard, I`m working on it and I`ll let you know the situation in a few minutes.“

I got distracted and that could decide the Commander´s fate. Upset about my own stupidity, I kept banging on the door, but shortly afterwards I felt cold, rough metal around my wrist. Hugh had grabbed it with his hand prosthesis, forcing it to stop.

„What-“

The Borg gently pushed me aside and I almost went to him in anger, but then I realized what he was up to. He connected his prosthetic hand to the computer terminal next to Riker`s door and seemed to be tampering with something. Then the display suddenly began to flicker and the system spun until it completely collapsed and the door to Riker`s quarters opened.

I rushed in without hesitation, the borg on my heels, like a bluestreak cleaner wrasse clinging tot he stomach of a shark.

„Commander Riker!“ I called, searching his bedroom for him, hoping for an answer. He wasn`t lying in his bed, the sofas were also empty and slowly everything went into chaos, nervousness made my hands tremble. Where the hell was the commander? He had to be here, the light was still on, and the board computer had confirmed that he was in his quarters.

„He`s here.“ I suddenly heard Hugh say and immediately tried to locate his voice. After looking around a bit I realized: it came from the bathroom. I rushed across the carpet into the bathroom and the sight inside o fit made me take a deep breath. Riker was lying on the floor, unconscious and white as a sheet of paper, a large laceration on his forehead, the blood had already dried.

Hugh knelt (as good as a Borg could kneel) over the Commander and eyed him, I jumped up to him and pulled him away from the one on the floor. The Borg staggered back as if I had hit him in the head.

„Don`t touch him!“ I hissed and quickly moved to Riker`s side to check his vital signs. His pulse was there, very strong as well, but his breathing was shallow and irregular.

I reached for my communicator with hasty movements.

„Ensign Cimmel to Dr Crusher. Urgent medical emergency team needed in Commander Riker`s quarters. Hurry up. ”an answer came just a few seconds later. Dr Crusher sounded a little upset.

„I`m on my way.“ that would probably take a few more minutes. I put my hand on Commander Riker`s forehead and felt the heat burn my palm. He was feverish.

„Is Commander Riker regenerating?“ Hugh asked uncertainly. What the hell did it look like?

„No, Hugh, he`s hurt. Bring me a cold, wet towel, quickly! ”

In the corner of my eye I saw how he was actually trying to obey the order as quickly as possible. Riker dodged on the floor below me.

„He`s waking up.“ Hugh came to my side, apparently he misunderstood and thought he was supposed to come over to me.

„Hugh, the towel!“ I complained snippily. Almost as if he was startled, the Borg winced and ran back to the sink. My eyes turned back to the first officer.

„Commander, can you hear me?“ then his eyelids began to flutter, his brow furrowing.

„Ugh.“

„Commander!“

Riker finally opened his eyes and narrowed them shortly afterwards due to the bright light.

„Ensign Cimmel. Please don`t tell me I passed out. ” I had to smile.

„How do you feel? ” I replied and fastened his hot forehead again. Hugh brought me the towel just in time and I brought Riker`s hand to his head so that he could hold onto it when trying to sit up. He leaned his back against the bathtub and blinked a few times to get a good view of his surroundings.

„I feel dizzy. And my head ... „

„It will hurt a few more days. Dr. Crusher should be here in a minute, ” I replied, flinching as Riker whirled around to me.

„You called the doctor ?!“ I nodded, hesitantly.

„Sir. You passed out and must have hit youe head hard. I had no choice.“

„She was very loud and upset about it,“ Hugh intervened and I had to shush him. At the same moment I heard Dr Crusher and two other doctors entering the quarters and appearing in the bathroom shortly thereafter.

„Ensign, how did you even get in here-“ Dr Crusher paused when she saw the Borg standing in the corner like a houseplant.

„Hugh. I see.“

Then her eyes fell on the commander.

„My God, Will. What nonsense have you been up to? ” She knelt next to him, I cleared the way. I had the greatest respect for the doctor. She has worked on the Enterprise for half an eternity and must have seen many bad things, lost many friends and colleagues, and yet she was still such a positive person. She started to examine Riker.

„I thought I was having a little party in my bathroom because I felt so lonely,“ he joked with a big grin. Behind me I heard Hugh move briefly and then whisper to himself,

„I knew it.“

*

I was sitting in Captain Picard`s room, but the chair was empty. I had often dreamed of this situation, only that I sat on the chair in those dreams and was in command of my own ship. This wasn`t a dream and I wasn`t sitting in his chair. After Dr Crusher took the commander to the sickbay, I informed the captain of the situation. He then asked me to come to his room.

I didn`t know what was awaiting me here. He would probably wash my head for allowing a Borg to access our board computer. When Hugh opened the door, there must have been a few other issues in the system. He could have destroyed us with it. So that was my first mistake. Never trust a borg. At least I didn`t let him touch Riker. Who knew what he could have done to him?

Picard entered the room and straightened his uniform when I got up out of respect.

„Ensign, please, sit down.“ I accepted the offer and sat down in the chair again. I watched the captain as he walked round his table and sat across from me. The worry about his number one was still clearly written on his face. He met my eyes for a few seconds, then folded his hands on the table.

“I was just in sickbay. Commander Riker has suffered a severe concussion. But he`ll be back. However, it is still not sure to say what caused his dizziness and thus his fainting. ” I nodded. It was nice to hear that the commander was on the mend. But I felt that it wasn`t all. The captain tried to postpone another topic.

“Dr Crusher will do some tests on him. As soon as you have time, pay a visit to the commander, he would like to thank you. ” I nodded again, unsure of what to answer.

„Also...“

Ah, I was screwed.

„I also wanted to discuss something else with you.“ Picard finally said, staring at his fingertips as if they were more interesting than talking to me.

„Of course, Captain. Whatever is on your mind. ” I replied, hoping inside that I could still experience the next day on the Enterprise. I saw Picard smile, but not as if he was happy, rather than trying to smile away from his predicament. I had the feeling that some hard words were about to hit me.

“It wasn`t just the commander who noticed. Lieutenant Commander La Forge had mentioned it too, as had Counselor Troi. She has sensed particularly vicious vibrations since Hugh was on board. ” he continued. And then a light dawned on me: that wasn´t supposed to be a lecture for me! I exhaled in relief.

„Captain!“ I shouted.

„Are you telling me that it`s not just me? I`ve been uncomfortable since the Borg came here. I don`t trust him, he`s still a Borg. Do you think he may be carrying out a cruel plan by his collective? ”

The captain seemed to be considering how to continue speaking, how to carefully express his words. Did I say too much?

“That`s exactly it, Ensign. Your behavior towards Hugh is ... unacceptable.“

I swallowed hard.

„….What?“

“See… he`s part of the crew now. And as such, he has to be respected just like everyone else. ”

„I…“

“I don`t want to offend you, but the strong, vicious vibrations our counselor sensed came from you much more than from Hugh. I`m afraid I can`t resent your behavior. At the academy you get to know the Borg as an enemy species that wants nothing more than unlimited power and annihilation.

But what you learn at the academy, Ensign Cimmel, cannot always be applied to practice without exception.“

„ Of course, sir.“ I replied.

No! That wasn`t true!

„And with this exception, you now have to learn to deal.“

„ Completely understandable.“

What a nonsense.

If I said my opinion to the captain`s face, he would probably think bad of me. I didn`t want that, I wanted to stay on the Enterprise.

„May I make a suggestion?“

„Nothing better than that, Captain.“

What was he up to? He didn`t dare to...

“How about you take some time off today and get to know our newcomer a bit? That might answer many questions for you. Spend the day with him, I`m sure you`ll have a lot to say. ”

That couldn`t really be true ...


	3. The One With His Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ensign Cimmel makes an unexpected friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the first chapter that was corrected by my beta-Reader @Arachnekallisti and I´m very grateful to have someone to help me out! Thank you again!
> 
> Have fun reading and leave a comment if you like :)

The One With His Hand

When I entered the sickbay, Dr Crusher was measuring the commanders temperature and then entering the result into the computer.

″Your fever is still unusually high, Will. Are you sure you feel okay? ” she asked and stepped back to the bed on the edge of which Riker was sitting and brooding. She pulled a small pen lamp out of her coat pocket and shone it in his right eye, only to pull the light away shortly afterwards and then light it up again.

″I feel good, really. Just that crappy headache. ” the first officer replied, trying not to blink when the doctor blinded him. At that moment I decided to make my presence known and stepped closer to them.

″It`s nice to see you back on your feet again, sir.″ I said and stopped a few meters from the bed. Riker`s head turned to me a few seconds later. His reaction time was still badly affected by the concussion.

″Ensign! Shouldn`t you be on the bridge? ”

I swallowed hard. He had probably already forgotten that he had asked for me. The head injury must have been serious. I should probably talk to the doctor again later about that.

″Commander, Captain Picard sent me to you. You wanted to see me. ” I reminded him and watched Dr Crusher smile at him comfortingly.

″Ah. Don´t say I forgot about that again? ” he touched his forehead. I couldn`t quite tell whether it was because he was in pain or whether he was trying to remember.

″Will. Don´t worry, you are just a little confused. In a few days you will be your old self again,“ Dr Crusher intervened and put a hand on his shoulder as he sighed. He still looked a little pale.

I turned to the redhead, ″Captain Picard said you still couldn`t figure out what was causing it, Doctor.″

She nodded.

″I ran some tests. Unfortunately, nothing decisive came out of any of them. I`ll be keeping Commander Riker under observation for a few more days. If nothing else happens during this time, we must assume that it was a side effect of the sleeping pill. ”

The commander, who was just lost in his thoughts, jerked round to her.

″A few more days? Absolutely out of the question. I have to go back to the bridge. ”

″Sir, I don`t think that-″ I objected, but was interrupted immediately.

″- We`ll meet the Borg. The captain needs me.″

″ But not in this condition, Will. You will hardly be of any help to him like this. ” replied Dr Crusher with an audible warning in her voice. Riker sighed, giving in.

″I see. The captain wants the limelight for himself when he defeats the Borg. ” he smiled and then looked in my direction.

″Ensign Cimmel. Thank you for your help and commitment this morning. Please tell that to Hugh, too. You really helped me out. ”

″Of course, Commander.″ I replied. ″Try to get well.″

″I`ll try my best. In the meantime, make sure our captain manages he situation. ”

I remembered Picard`s words regarding the Borg on board.

″I`m sorry, but Captain Picard is forcing me to take a little break today. However, I hope to be back on the bridge in time for the encounter. ” I replied, although it was difficult for me to follow Picard`s orders. The commander didn`t seem surprised, however.

Of course, he wasn`t, considering that he was one of the reasons for my time-out.

″Then you should definitely look for a peaceful place on the holodeck to catch your breath. And don`t let yourself be distracted by upcoming events. Picard has good reasons for wanting you to take time off.″

The commander knew exactly what he was talking about. You could see it. I stared at my shoes, a little embarrassed, hypnotized by how strong the contrast with the snow-white floor of the sickbay was. In the corner of my eye, Dr Crusher turned away from the conversation and started working on her computer. She apparently sensed that an uncomfortable topic was approaching that not everyone on the ship should get wind of.

″Hugh, isn`t it?″ I heard Riker say and took my eyes off my toes and met the first officer`s eyes. I didn`t see anything reproachful in it, he didn`t want to drag me over the coals or anything like that. It felt more like a conversation between father and daughter, like advice, a life lesson. But he didn`t want to scare me. I could see all of that in the blue of his eyes. It exuded utter friendliness and care.

″Yes, sir.″ I whispered in shame, unsure how to explain my situation to him. And if I did, would he understand me? Could he understand?

″I may not understand exactly how you feel, Ensign, but I am sure that the one you are trying to get rid of knows more about your struggles then you might think.″

I knew who he was talking about and that`s why this statement seemed so illogical to me. This thing wasn`t even able to feel emotions. How would it know how I felt? I was aware that this train of thought had been going through my head a day before, but even then I shook my head and banished it from my mind because it seemed so unlikely to me.

″You mean-″

″Talk to him. He is something special, really. I`m not a Borg fan myself, but Hugh feels like a friend. When I look at him, I don`t see a Borg, I see a lonely boy who has probably had no love for far too long. And who knows who he could become if you just give him a little bit of it. ”

I didn`t know what to say.

″Commander ...″

″I know, Ensign. I know. You will probably find it difficult to abandon what you have learned in the academy over the years. But the academy only teaches you the basics. The real experience, the moral questions and unavoidable exceptions to the rules, you only have all of this out here. Use your chance at the Enterprise. It`ll change you. ”

I suddenly felt lighter.

″Thanks sir.″

Riker smiled at me, then Dr Crusher came back to the bed to take blood from him and that was my cue to get out. I nodded respectfully to them and then turned on my heel, Riker`s advice still echoed in the back of my head. Just wondered for how long.

***

The desert was dry, the light of the two setting suns caressed my hair and kissed my cheeks when I closed my eyes in complete calm and let myself fall into the soft sand. I didn`t know much about this planet but the holodeck had done a great job. It was quiet here. In the distance you could see rocky landscapes and with outstretched arms I drifted on the desert sea on the way to the shore.

I felt a longing for this place that was supposed to wait for me somewhere in the wide universe and yet I had to be satisfied with an illusion today. When I thought of the stress the crew members were currently experiencing on the bridge, a surge of relief poured over me and I smiled as the sunlight streamed through my pores.

There was peace here. There was security. There was a home.

I heard rattling metal noises and felt a shadow fall over me. When I opened my eyes, the shadow disappeared.

″Hugh.″ I said, but didn´t look at the Borg who was standing in the sand next to me.

″Sit down.″ I added and closed my eyelids again.

″Sitting is unnatural. I will stand.″ he replied and then fell silent again, as if he was only allowed to speak on command.

″How long have you been on the holodeck?″

Warmth flowed around my skin, not the slightest breeze blew into my senses. I heard Hugh inhale.

″I came here immediately after Captain Picard sent me. He said you need company. ”

That figures. Picard had probably known from the start that I wouldn´t go to Hugh myself and that he would have to help a little.

″I don`t need company.″ I finally replied, slamming my hand at a beetle that climbed up my thigh.

″Should I go?″

Now I looked up at him. His head was straight, but his organic eye was scanning me.

″No,″ I replied, then got up to be at eye level with him. Lying down had left my joints stiff and I had to stretch to be completely mobile again.

″Let`s walk a bit.″ I said and stepped ahead, towards the suns and the rocks, curious what would lurk there. I didn`t see him, but I felt Hugh start to follow me without hesitation.

We walked a long way, at least 20 minutes without a word and the two suns were almost completely devoured by the horizon. Only their last, desperate rays of light broke through the cloud cover that was looming from the east. Now the first wind breezes tickled my face and beneath my uniform I got goose bumps. It was extremely cold in the desert at night and I wondered if Hugh was even able to freeze.

″We`re almost there.″ Hugh caught up with me briskly as I had to stop to get the sand out that the wind had blown into my eyes.

″What is this place?″ he asked and it almost sounded like he was a little nervous.

″I dont know. The computer created it. Possibly it doesn´t even exist. But I would like to see more of it. ” I said and looked at the rock wall in front of us, which was now only a few meters away. I started to move again when a noise reached my ears. It seemed I wasn´t the only one to notice it.

″A sandstorm,″ said Hugh softly, turning in the direction from which the noise came.

″Can the computer turn it off?″ he asked and turned back to me.

″It could, yes. But it doesn`t make any difference now. We`ll be right there anyway. ”

I saw the rocks in front of me, they were piled up like a huge wall, but they were brittle and rough. A little further to the left of us was a small, narrow passage, as if someone had broken through with a lot of force to find a way to the other side.

″Come.″ I whispered and went to the opening in the red-brown rock. Hugh followed me. His pounding footsteps and his clattering metal echoed on the walls as soon as we stepped inside. It was pitch dark, but there was a dim light in the distance that I was trying to focus on. The vault of rock trembled softly, a distorted virbration went through the ground when the sandstorm hit the rock ridge from outside.

″Do you know where you are going?″ Hugh asked attentively. Of course I knew that. It wasn`t my first time on the holodeck. But my first time on this planet, admittedly. The passage became narrower and the Borg had to walk behind me. But the glimmer of light grew brighter. I felt Hugh touch my back and hold on to my uniform.

″What the hell are you doing?″ I hissed annoyed and reached for his prosthetic hand.

″My visor. There is something wrong. It is so dark.″

Great.

″Is the sandstorm causing the disturbance?”

″No. The sandstorm is an illusion of the computer. It comes from outside the holodeck. ”

That couldn`t be true, I was in this hologram for less than 3 hours, the Borg still had to be quite a distance away. What could it be?

″We are approaching the magnetic current.″ Hugh answered my thoughts as if he could have read them.

″And can you see nothing through your organic eye?″

″It is not used to having to work alone. The darkness is too intense. ”

″Here.″ my vocal cords hurt and the sound that came out was scratchy.

″Take my hand.″ I gripped his prosthetic hand so that he no longer had to hold on to my uniform. This way I also had some control over him as he walked behind me. I didn´t want him to come up with stupid ideas.

Hugh calmed down as he tried to understand what was happening. He has probably never held hands in his entire life.

After we walked through the narrow passage for another 5 minutes, the light was already overcoming the darkness and exposed another hole in the wall, where we finally stopped.

″What could be behind it?″ I said to myself, but Hugh was faster, he let go of my hand and I immediately felt something was missing. He tried to see something through the opening and not be too blinded by the light. I watched his pupil shrink. Then, without saying a word, he slipped through.

I looked around in amazement. And now? Should I go after? I didn`t know what was waiting for me on the other side. But before I could decide, Hugh`s hand prosthesis stretched out to me. I smiled a little into myself as I grabbed it and followed him. He had learned a little from me.

I broke out of the darkness into the light. After squeezing through the opening, I looked out over an extensive clearing. A large pond with crystal-clear water stretched like an oasis before my eyes, surrounded by the wildest flora I had ever seen. The moonlight shone through the rock from above. The missing cave roof made me feel like I was standing inside a volcano. But there was no lava here. It was cold and damp.

The white circle up in the sky shone through the hole and was reflected on the surface of the water. The water didn`t look deep, it probably didn`t even reach the ankles. Much more like a puddle than a pond. It looked like a fairy tale. Dense ivy shuffled from above to the moss-covered floor.

″That is beautiful.″

Hugh stood in front of me and stared at the reflection of the moon.

″Beautiful?″

I didn`t hesitate to explain it to him.

″Yes, Hugh. When we think of something as beautiful, it often has to do with a feeling. Joy and happiness are beautiful. If we are speechless, in a positive sense, it is caused by beauty. ”

He was silent for a moment, then his head shot up as if he had woken from a dream. ″Like a friend?″

Yikes. How did he know this term?

″Geordi is a friend. Is Geordi beautiful? ”

I couldn`t help laughing.

″Sure he is. But other than that the feeling he gives you is probably way more beautiful, isn´t it?″

After saying that, I could hear the gears rattling in his head. He tried to understand it with all his might.

″He is there for me when I am lonely. He builds me up. ”

″It feels good, doesn`t it?″

″Yes.″

″Almost beautiful, am I right?″

He thought for a moment.

″Yes. I think I get it. This place feels good to you. It is beautiful. ”

″Exactly.″

I let myself sink to the ground, exhausted from the long way, I sat on the bank and stared up at the starry sky. Hugh remained standing, of course, his eyes following mine.

We were silent for a few minutes. In fact, my stomach ache had been gone completely since he took my hand in the cave. Riker was right. He may have looked hostile and come from hostile beings, but he felt more like a friend. I decided to take my chance.

″Hugh. I`d like to ask you something. ”

″What is your designation?″ he interrupted instead and I didn`t know how to react.

″Your name.″

″Alva.″ I replied, unsure of what he wanted to do with this information.

″Are Alva and Hugh friends?″

I swallowed hard. Did I trust him enough to officially call him a friend?

″It depends on the answers you give me on my questions.″

″ I will answer.″

Well then, I`ll put you to the test, little _friend_.

″Why did you choose to stay on the Enterprise?″

″I wanted to stay with Geordi because he was my only friend.″

″That´s it? For years, probably your whole life, you flew through the universe with this cube and the commands of the collective in your head to wipe out and assimilate species. You knew no mercy, resistance was futile in your eyes, you couldn`t even say _I_ and all it took to change that is a human engineer, who was experimenting on you for a few days? Who are you trying to kid here? ”

Hugh seemed a bit surprised, his iris looked for help in the moss.

″Before…” he started ″… before , it was everything I knew . I was taught that resistance is futile, that assimilation is the only right way, that the collective is the culmination of power. I had ... I ... I had a lot of voices in my head. They all thought the same thing. They confirmed me. I was very sure about them. That is why I never tried to question it. My thoughts were those of the others… ”

I held my breath.

″… The voices were gone on the Enterprise. And the collective as well. I was lonely. I started to think because Geordi put other thoughts in my head. He contradicted everything I knew. I was forced to listen to him. And I learned from it. I learned to think for myself without being guided by other voices. ”

″And that gave you self-confidence. Individuality. ” I completed his words to jump to my own conclusion. I saw his silhouette nod in the moonlight.

Damn, I really hoped I wasn`t wrong, but ...

″Hugh?″

Hugh looked down at me and at the same moment I took his hand and held it.

″Alva and Hugh are friends.″

And this time I was sure, not like yesterday on the bridge, no, this time he really smiled.

″That is beautiful.″ I heard him say before everything suddenly sank into darkness and I was thrown forward by a mighty force.

Suddenly I lost Hugh`s hand from mine. My uniform was full of water, I was lying on my stomach, but I couldn`t see anything. A terrible bang had shaken everything up like a shock wave. It sounded like an explosion, but it didn`t happen on the holodeck. Something was going wrong right now. The power on the holodeck seemed to go crazy, suddenly there was light again, I saw a shower of sparks that set the ivy on fire and spilled over me. Sparks of fire landed next to me in the water and sank into it, then everything went dark again and suddenly I was in the sweet arms of unconsciousness.


	4. The One With Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alva and Hugh have to find a way out of the holodeck, but coping with the difficulties triggers some forgotten memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4, here you go!  
> Thank you to @Arachnekallisti who helps me fixing my mistakes :)

The One With Grief

_My father gave me a questioning look as I sighed, sitting on the sofa cushion and closed my eyes tired to get rid of the pounding headache. I heard his footsteps and the constantly occuring gurgling of his stomach due to his irritable bowel syndrome. Mostly it was caused by stress and I wondered what was worrying him again._

_″You look whacked, pumpkin.“_

_I held up my hand defensively to avoid any further conversation._

_″I`m begging you, don`t ask questions. ”_

_Even though I couldn´t see it, I just knew that he shook his head and turned away from me._

_″I didn`t say anything.“_

_″But you wanted to,“ I replied reproachfully and put my head back._

_″Surely not.“_

_The sofa cushion next to me sank lower, so I didn`t need to open my eyes to know that Dad had sat next to me._

″Alva!“

_I sat up and looked around our quarter. It wasn`t my father`s voice, but there was no one else in the room except the two of us._

_″Listen, I just want to know how you`re doing. You look unhappy,” my dad admitted and I jumped up and distanced myself, but my eyes didn´t leave him._

_″What did I just tell you?“_

_″Alva, cut it out! I`ve also had a hard day. Let`s just have dinner together. ”_

_Sometimes I wished I could find it easier to deal with my father, but he has been unbearable since mother left._

″Alva? Do you need time to regenerate? ”

_There it was again. This voice. It seemed so familiar to me, but I just couldn`t figure it out. Like a word that was on the tip of my tongue. That was like the voices in the collective had to sound, badly distorted and tinny, like an empty soup can. My father suddenly stood in front of me, two plates of curry in his hands that the replicator had created in a matter of seconds. I could feel the heat of the food in the room and the pungent smell of the Earth spices reached my nose and a pleasant well-being spread through me._

_″You´re not even able to tolerate curry. Your stomach is gonna kill you.“_

_″I know you can`t resist,“ he said with a smile and set the plates down on the narrow table that ran like a bar counter along the large aquarium which was filled with lionfish and urchins. He sat down, the food still untouched by me, and began gobbling the curry with a faint flicker in his eyes._

_A part of me wanted to give in, but I just felt like I was in a bad mood. As if I had to let off steam. But that wouldn`t be fair to my dad. I also heard my stomach grumbling impatiently. So I didn`t hesitate any longer and sat next to him, the lights from the aquarium were reflected on the white surface of the table and danced back and forth._

_For only a few moments, I observed my body from the outside and stood behind myself. But those short moments hit me like an earthquake that was trying to wake me up. I watched myself watching the lionfish floating in the water, reverently, as if they were bloodthirsty deities I wanted to appease, then the picture blurred again. I heard my father talking._

_″You had to continue working on the Warp Core project with Lieutenant Huckles today, didn`t you?“_

_I heard myself laugh and saw myself put the fork down._

_″You really don`t give up.“_

_Then another earthquake, like a crack in space, an error in the matrix, a glitch. And the world around me dissolved, a bright laugh reached my ears, the lionfish appeared in my mind`s eye, dancing their last dance in the light of a setting moon._

_I had the taste of curry and rice on my tongue and holy water ran down my cheek, like a stream of tears that tore me down until the moon on the horizon changed sides and disappeared into the underworld. I saw my father`s back facing me. I saw my own back turned to me. Lowering our heads over the plates, we barely noticed the lights stroking our hair._

_Then the crack in the room widened into a chasm until the whole picture was finally swallowed up by light, as if the divine lionfish had finally brought me to my knees. And now I crouched in front of the altar and prayed for mercy. The hot white burned in my head and put my memories on fire until I finally broke surface._

When I opened my eyes, it was unusually quiet. I couldn`t see much, but I was slowly becoming aware of the wetness that was covering my body. It seemed like I was still lying in the pond, face to the ground. The water was freezing cold, but for some reason I was intensely hot. I felt fluid in my throat and coughed hard, causing me to vomit up the water I must have swallowed.

With all my strength I managed to support myself on my forearms and straighten up a bit. My surroundings slowly took shape again. Suddenly I was reminded of pictures I hadn`t seen for ages. My father. His fish. And a life that I had forgotten.

I looked around. The ivy was no longer burning. It was mostly charred and now just hung down like ragged curtains. The embers still flew through the air and sparks trembled for the last few seconds in the water until they went out. A drizzle of scraps of fire heated the atmosphere and made it difficult for me to breathe. As if I woke up in a war zone where the battle was already finished.

My gaze caught on a figure sitting in the water next to me, watching me. It didn`t take me long to figure out who it was.

″You`re sitting,“ I said and for the first time I heard how hoarse my voice sounded. Hugh stared at his legs, which he had stretched out like a small child and his back was straight. Such a position would have been extremely uncomfortable for a human, but it made no difference to Hugh. He apparently found sitting to be uncomfortable anyway.

″I wanted to be there when you wake up.“

These words sounded so strange from a Borg`s mouth. I would never get used to that.

″What happened, Hugh?“ I asked, touching my head. It didn`t hurt, but somehow everything was still completely blurred and I felt confused.

There was silence for a few seconds. I assumed that he didn`t know it himself. I could almost hear his system rustling like a hard drive that was running hot because it was overloaded.

″I am not sure. A disturbance outside the holodeck? ”

That was an option. The only sensible one. I got up resolutely, paused to fight the vertigo, and then stepped out of the water onto the shore.

″Computer, end program,“ I called to the sky and hopefully waited for an answer. In vain. My thoughts were racing. That wasn´t a good thing.

″Computer!“

No reaction. The holodeck was probably so badly damaged that important functions were now failing. I determinedly tapped the communicator.

″Cimmel to La Forge, can you hear me? There`s a problem with the holodeck. ”

I waited for an answer, but it never came. This damn magnetic current. It brought everything on board to a standstill.

″I think we`re stuck here. Crap,“ I swore in annoyance and then looked back at the Borg, who was still sitting in the water and curiously admired his reflection.

″We have to find a way out of here.“

But Hugh didn`t seem to see it as a reason to get up, so I bridged the distance to him with two long steps and grabbed him under his arms to pull him up.

″Come on, it`s time,“ I panted. The Borg was too heavy for me, so I had to let go of him almost immediately.

″Where do you want to go?“ Hugh asked somewhat skeptically and looked around. He was right. There was no door you could just walk through or anything, at least not until the computer restored it. But we couldn`t rely on its help at the moment. But maybe there was another way ...

″There has to be a terminal somewhere from which you can manually control the holodeck. If we find it, you could try connecting to the ship´s computer and we`ll get out of here. ”

Hugh seemed to have approved of my plan because he was getting up.

He was almost upright again when I thought I heard a weak whimper from his mouth, his right leg slumped under him and he fell back to the floor. My reflexes weren`t fast enough to catch him.

″Hey! What´s the matter?“

The scraps of fire floating in the water next to him reminded me of the explosion that had knocked me out and suddenly I felt that even a Borg wasn´t invulnerable. I knelt down beside him, one hand carefully placed on his shoulder.

″Hugh ... are you hurt?“

He looked up at me. I could read the pain in his eyes.

″I do not know. My right leg is not working as it should. There is ... pain. ”

Hugh grimaced as he tried to put weight on the leg again.

″Let me see,“ I whispered, leaning over his right leg in the same breath. I didn`t even have to remove the metal of his armor to find the problem. A deep wound gaped in the darkened skin and had ripped open the metal. I inhaled sharply.

″How did this happen?“

The Borg seemed to be thinking as if he didn`t have many memories of the event and I wondered if he was passed out.

″The blast ... threw me against the rock. And I cut my leg somewhere, but I don`t know where. When I woke up it was like that, ” Hugh answered uncertainly. And then a light dawned on me.

″Is that why you were sitting next to me? Because you couldn`t stand? ” I asked, although I could already guess the answer.

″I woke up and saw you in the water. I ran to you when I was in no pain. Then suddenly I fell. I was waiting for you to wake up, ” Hugh confirmed, scanning me with an expectant look, as if expecting a certain reaction.

″Your body must have been in some kind of shock. It made sure you didn`t feel the pain, that`s a protective mechanism,” I muttered to myself. My attention slipped back to the wound and I studied it closely.

″This could become infected...“ I said thoughtfully and then looked at the blue-black discoloration of his leg.

″And I think it`s broken. Can you stand? ”

I saw that he didn`t want to try again and shortly afterwards he shook his head.

″I see.“

That was a damn big problem. The environment that the holodeck had created was incredibly vast. The terminal could be anywhere, but if Hugh couldn`t walk, it would be difficult to find it at all.

″We have to try,“ he said suddenly, as if he could´ve read my mind and straightened up a little. When I recognized his plan, I was at hand to help him to his feet, he left the right non-weight bearing and I threw his arm over my shoulder to support him. ″Is it better this way?“

I brushed a strand of my smoky hair behind my ear and noticed how glowing ashes got caught in it, but there was no time to worry about it now. We had to find a way out of here and make sure the crew was okay. Who knew what had caused this violent explosion.

″The likelihood that the terminal is here is negligible considering the size of the simulation. It`s really impressive what a holodeck can do, ” I said as I looked for the first signs of the terminal on the rock walls. Hugh did the same to me, he had no choice but to turn with me, otherwise he would probably fall again. I was worried because he couldn`t stand alone.

″You should go alone,“ I heard him say all of a sudden and was too perplexed to reply. Instead, I just stared at him with my mouth open. I didn`t think it was possible, but he had paled.

″I am no help. You are faster without me, ″ he added after he could see the uncertainty on my face.

″What? But…“

″Alva. Something bad could have happened. It makes more sense to leave the holodeck as soon as possible to make sure that everyone is fine. I will slow you down″

″ Hugh! ″ I finally interrupted him, ″Stop it. I won`t leave you here. Not alone. We can´t assume that this will be the only explosion. If something like this happens again and you`re stuck here alone, I won`t be able to help you. I also need you to access the terminal. It´s not really my strongest skill. ”

Hugh`s eyes searched for more arguments on the floor and he also seemed to have found some pretty quickly.

″There is a possibility that I can not access the computer at all. Maybe it was damaged too much. ”

″ _We have to try_. You said that earlier,“ I replied impatiently. The longer we discussed here, the longer it would take to find the terminal. When I watched Hugh`s expression, I felt very uncomfortable. I suddenly saw fear as his jaw tightened and his pupil flickered wildly across the scene. I had triggered something.

″If I go with you ...“, he started and stopped to swallow, ″... then you are defenseless.“

″Defenseless?“ I repeated confused. Hugh nodded.

″A sandstorm is raging out there. It is not certain what dangers the computer has created in this place. If you have to carry me ... you are going to be defenseless. ”

I didn`t believe my ears. Was it really a _Borg_ who was worried about my wellbeing right now?

″You`re afraid something could happen to me,“ I concluded from his words and was admittedly a little touched. Hugh nodded again.

″Alva and Hugh are friends. Friends are there for each other. Take care of each other. ”

I smiled inwardly.

″And that`s exactly why I`m not leaving you behind. Otherwise I couldn`t take care of you, ” I said and then carefully moved towards the rock wall that trapped us in this place. Hugh didn`t seem to be protesting, so I obviously won the discussion and was happy with my plan. It was slow progress, but the clearing was not so big as to be a major obstacle. After a few steps, my free hand touched the rough stone, which was completely grimy because of the ashes and the fire. Even through the thick rock face, I could feel the vibrations caused by the sand beating against it from the outside.

However, there was no sign of any terminal or other computer interface. I had noticed this before when I had scanned everything from the bank.

″We`re not getting anywhere here,“ I whispered and turned again to be sure of what I was saying.

″We have to go outside.“

Somehow I was horrified to run through the dense sandstorm and internally I wished I had turned it off when I still had a chance.

There was no going back now. I saw the passage we had come through, but something was different. I gently took Hugh`s arm off my shoulder and made sure the Borg remained stable.

″Wait a second. I`ll be right back. ”

Then I started to take a closer look at the opening in the wall.

My feet felt like they had wings and I was flying, but just as Icarus was flying too close to the sun and his wings were burning, so my motivation dissolved when I got tot he blockage in the passage. As soon as I arrived there, I could tell that the boulders and the rubble completely blocked the way out.

″This can´t be true.“

The explosion must have been worse than initially thought, if it had blocked our only way out. That wasn´t good. Not good at all. Not at all. Damn it, that was a serious problem. If we couldn`t get out of this clearing, there was no hope of finding the terminal. The passage was barely ten centimeters wide, and neither I nor Hugh would fit through it. The last way was ...

My head turned to the sky, the stars were clearly visible. This way. We had to go up there. That was our last chance. The rock face was uneven and very rough, a good prerequisite for climbing. But Hugh was barely able to climb, even with two healthy legs that would prove difficult. The Borg was limited in mobility and I didn´t trust to God to try to separate it from its tinny shell. I had to make a decision.

″Hugh!“ I shouted to him and saw his head flick to me. I hurried towards him quickly and then reached for one of the overgrown ivy tendrils. It probably wouldn`t hold, but it was better than nothing. One try. I tied the tendril around my waist as best I could, convinced that it wouldn`t do anything if I fell.

″I`ll leave you alone for a few minutes. But I`m not leaving you behind, don`t worry. I`m just going to have to look around for an alternative way out, ” I added without looking at him. I felt his eyes on me, he watched as I made a last desperate knot in the ivy tendrils.

″What are you doing?“

With a slight jerk, I pulled on the makeshift belt to test whether the ivy was still firmly rooted. Looked good.

″I`m going to climb up there and see if I can find another way out of here. I`m not running away, okay? But you will hardly be able to follow me,” I replied and finally looked at the Borg. He seemed confused.

″The rock face is ten, maybe twelve meters high. You could seriously injure yourself,” he replied skeptically. I knew he was thinking that way. And yet it was our only chance.

″I have no choice.“

The grass had moistened my soles, there was a risk of slipping, that´s why I rubbed them against the dusty rock, so the liability was better.

″Be careful,“ said Hugh and I smiled. If he only knew about my fear of heights. I stared up at the edge of the vault from where the ivy curled down. I had to make it up there. No back talk. I fastened the first foot on a sharp pit and reached for an outcrop with my hand.

I climbed very slowly and with trembling thighs. I didn´t dare to look down, although it had probably only been two meters. And yet blisters were already forming on my hands. Bit by bit I moved away from the ground. Fear raced in my head. I tried to replace it with the thoughts of the lessons from the academy. There had been a number of physical fitness tests there. In contrast, this was nothing.

But gradually the angle became steeper and it was difficult for me to hold onto the rock with my bare hands and feet. I paused briefly, looked up, and saw to my regret that I wasn´t even halfway done. I now doubted the success of my plan myself and the abrasions on my shins and elbows completely agreed. It was like walking a tightrope.

And yet it was inevitable. I took another deep breath and then continued on my way. The ivy around my waist started to fray, not a problem as long as the tendril held on. I hadn`t noticed anything from Hugh for a few minutes. He was probably already thinking about what to do if that failed.

My arms were heavy, my thighs were tired and my whole body was tense to the extreme. But the higher I got, the more I could see over the edge of the hole above me. I saw the branches of gnarled trees rub against each other and dry leaves swirl through the air. Curiosity rose in me. Who knew what was up there?

This incentive revived the strength in my limbs. I approached the way out. Step by step. Cool air blew on my face, a pleasant breeze that finally brought my body temperature down a bit.

Seven meters.

Just don`t look down. Just don`t look down.

The sweat ran down my temple and I felt the salt on my lips. A soft crackle drew my attention to the glow that was still illuminating the ivy.

I kept climbing and going, felt my muscles twitch and my veins burn. I put my foot on a protruding layer of rock one last time and then pushed myself up with the last of my strength. I had finally reached the edge and euphoria was already spreading inside me. I supported myself on the edge with my arms so that I could look over it.

I immediately felt the small grains of sand lashing my face and it was difficult for me to keep my eyes open. Only when the blast subsided a little I was able to see something. The gnarled trees I had seen before circled the rift in abundance. A high sand dune led the way back like a ramp into the desert sea. But in the distance there was nothing more to see than sand and dust. Finding the terminal here was like finding a needle in a haystack. Impossible.

Disappointed, I tried to heave myself up to stop hanging on the edge. However, the strength in my arms failed. I should have worked more on my pull-ups. Suddenly I felt something hot on my hand and I saw how a spark had strayed there. The ivy that was rooted up here was still crackling lightly and a gentle rain of embers danced down into the clearing.

Luminous ash leaves sailed past me and then to the ground, unconsciously I followed them with my eyes and finally did what I wanted to prevent. I looked down. Immediately I felt incredibly dizzy and I couldn`t breathe. My limbs went numb at the sight and I couldn`t hold on any longer. My weak arms broke away under me like thin branches.

I hadn`t yet realized what happened, when I was already in free fall. But I had no air to scream, so I just focused on how my heart sank into my guts. A hot and cold wind whipped my ears as I fell even further, the ivy tendril had loosened from my hip and there was nothing to break the fall.

Above me the stars shone only weakly compared to the moon. It was very similar to the Earth`s moon. White and cratered, but it was many times larger and now looked at me like the reproachful eye of God.

Moonlight. Freefall.

I thought I saw fish dancing around the bright sky light like a ritual. Lionfish. The craters in the moon resembled our backs. My father`s and mine. And we sat there eating curry. We talked. We laughed. We danced.

It was so different. From now.

Everything was still bright and beautiful. Everything was good.

He was still alive.

Sometimes you heard people say that they never felt the impact. It wasn`t like that for me. When I impacted on the ankle-deep water of the pond, the air was forced out of my lungs and my ribs felt like they were going to burst. The hard object I hit after my body broke through the water surface felt just like the metal shell covering a terminal.


End file.
